Self Disappointment & Self Healing

Hye dear blog…it’s been quite some time since last I typed here. Setahun lebih mungkin..hahahaha ^_^ Hmm..proses recovering yg agak lame sebenarnye sjak my last post tu..hihi.. Tapi skrg da stabil da.. cume rajuk kalini rase mcm ridiculous.. Bru skrg rase nk share.. Oh well..ape boleh buat.. It is my purpose of having you…to let everything out whenever I can’t share it to any normal human being..or living animals.. Ok… let’s start..

I’m having quite bad insomnia everytime im in the peak of the month.. And when that happened, there’s a lot of things running through my mind.. even the simplest thing like….why my parents used my car everyday..n dad always left the tank with 100km most.. And recently…there’s ridiculous thing keep popping in my head… It started with…when my parent said something to my lil sis..”bday nanti mntk abg belikan hadiah ni”…”bday nnt mntk abg bg tu”….i knew they were just bluffing but…..those jokes got me…way so deep… And I went “huh~bday adik? Even my own bday pn xde dpt ape..sape la kite ni”… Simple right?? Tapi da cukup buat ht ni merajuk tiap malam ever since. So…tiap mlm la memujuk ht sndiri.. Haih la Anne..knape perlu rase cmtu? (I myself don’t know)…. Bile mcm tu..mule la melarat… Flashing back things that aren’t supposed to be remembered. Like on my bday itself.. knape awak buat mcm tu..mungkir janji..bkn sng2 nk tunggu haritu muncul..it took 365 days.. Syukur la panjang umur utk merase lg skali walaupun umur makin meningkat saban tahun… Ok la..xpe la..da get rid of that pn.. The prob is when awak kate ade hadiah utk sy..awal bulan June tau awak gtau mende tu. Yg pd awalnye sy da x kisah lgsg pd hadiah sbb mrajuk ngn awak…tp bile awak kate cmtu..ttbe mood on! Tapi kan..tu June..now da August…awk nk peram hadiah sy sampai bile? Sjak my parents gurau ngn adik ngn ayt2 tu sy da start sentap.. TAPI….hati rase tersentap teruk tahap berguling2 tu bile ttbe ibu tnye “ibu lupe tanye awak…aritu bday dpt ape?”… ah sudah~ (tutup telinge..buat2 x dengar..lari buat keje lain…pheww~ escaped!)…Walaupun da escape..tp hati yg berguling td tu jd ape? Haaa~ni yg buatkn perasaan makin parah.. Mule tertanye2 sendiri.. Spanjang pekenalan..awak x pernah miss bg hadiah.. TAPI~ (tapi lagi)…knape this time awak buat mcm x penting pulak bile kite da melangkah ke step ke-2?? Nta2 klau ke step akhir lg teruk x?? Oh geez~bile ht tertanye cmtu..mule mate pulak masuk habuk =_=’ Yg hati ni pulak…tolong la jgn sentap lebih boleh x?? Stressing my mind secare x langsung tau x? You guys belong to a system..please work together can you? Orite…after lebih dari 3minggu mengadap n memujuk hati..tetibe arini camne gatal mulut terlepas ckp kt ibu..oops!

Me: Ibu…nk tanye ni~ (da terlepas gini baru tetibe malu gile lak)

Ibu: Ape die?

Me: Err~ x pe la…xjd nk tnye..heee^_^

Ibu: Mane boleh camtu..cpt ckp sebelum ibu romen!

*Ibu mmg cmni tau..haish~ psst~jgn fikir lain lak ngn word ‘romen’ tu ok? Tu maknenye ibu nk lancarkan serangan geletek sampai x cukup nafas..haha..*

Me: Ok2~ Hmm..cmni.. Ermm..cmne klau ibu jd ain? Means mcm ni la..bday kite..org tu buat cmni.. Org xkan kisah kalau die x bg lgsg tahun2 sebelum ni sbb ye la..ape sgt hubungan gitu.. Tp ni da lepas tunang ley lak x bg2.. sampai jd x caye yg die ade bendenye.. Boleh jd xde.. Mmg kite x patut berharap…tp kan ibu..mcm mne la x berharap dr tunang sndiri kn? Jadi~~cmtu la.. Kalau ibu..ibu rase bende yg same atau camne?

Ibu: Hmm..ibu eh? Ibu da rase jgk bende tu..tp kite xley buat ape kn? Go with it je… Hehehe.. *muke ceria habis*.. Dgn papa dlu pun..lgsg ibu x merase…sbb die xkisah ape.. Bile ngn abah…yela..mse kawan2 mmg x pernah miss..bg coklat la..bunge..cincin kecik.. pastu bunge lg..mcm2 bg xpayah tggu bday..tp bile da tunang…hurmmm…haa..time da tunang ttbe je x bg hadiah bday day.. Tp ibu ok je..sbb da biase rase cmtu.. Bile da khwn…2-3 thn ptame mmg ade hadiah la..bunge lg..coklat..pape je la.. tp pstu da start2 miss da.. kdg ade..kdg xde..bile awk makin bsr..baru la start bile bday je mkn bsr sikit.. Cmtu la..

Me: Rse geram jgk la..wedding kwn die..lg 1bulan majlis da plan da nk g ramai2 even jauh pun.. Nanti alasan die “member kahwin skali seumur hidup…bkn slalu”… abis tu..kite ni? Smbut bday as tunangan org pn skali seumur hidup jgk..bukan tiap thn..da berubah status lg..umur 24tahun tu pn dtg skali seumur hidup je…xde ke die nk fkir mcm tu jgk?? Hmm..

Ibu: *gelak sikit* Anak ibu ni mmg cmni kn? Over sgt nk value sesuatu bende..mcm2 tarikh die nk ingt..

Me: Dah tu…nk wt cmne? This is me..its a apecial day..special occasion..msti la nk value n treasure the day to the most..

Ibu: X semua org pandai nk value sesuatu tu mcm care kite.. Most lelaki x kisah sgt pn bende2 cmtu sbb bg deorg kecik je..

Me: Thatz y la slalu je nk merajuk atas bende kecik..deorg x faham the way girls think..

Ibu: Tu namenye lelaki..

Me: Hmm…lelaki mmg cmtu kn? *terus diam pastu n start fikir sendiri*

So….i’ve finally got the answer.. And zaaas! Memang confirm la lelaki mmg cmni.. Before dpt kite..sungguh2 layan kite mcm princess..ayat melting2 aje.. Tp bile da dpt..ke laut semuanye.. bkn semua lelaki of coz… sadisnye knape la kwn2 punye pasangan ‘sweet diabetes’.. Even cikgu matrix n cikgu skolah sendiri pun..lg la.. kalau kwn2 sebaye..x kisah sgt..org kate cinta org muda… tp tgk geng cikgu2 yg pangkat makcik pakcik tu sweet bergule mcm org baru khwn jgk… Aduyai~ knape sweet sgt ni..T_T  Well….sbnrnye mmg amazed dgn deorg.. untungnye dpt layanan yg x pernah kurang drpd belum ade ikatan..smpai da khwn..n sampai da umur anak nk msuk skola menengah pn maintain sweet n dilayan mcm princess n queen.. Allahu..semoga all of them kekal bahagia til Jannah.. I guess my family genes belum muncul species sweet sampai tua cmni… Ade tu ade..my pak ngah…kasar2 die..selalu manjekan mak ngah.. oh comelnye~ ^_^ <3 Next…..my only cousin brother the 2^nd.. Abg n kakak sweet betul.. Untuk diri ni berharap dpt lelaki camtu?? Well…we’ll see.. will I ended up like ibu? Or I will have my own fantasy?? Tgk 10tahun akan dtg ok?! ^_~hehe… To ibu…im amazed..you’re my idol.. Camne ibu boleh maintain cool.. You’ve went through a lot I guess..betul kate org….kalau da biase tu..mmg akan lali.. Well anne, boleh x suro hati tu ketegaq sikit? Jadi ice pn xpe.. Hanye org yg betul2 ikhlas je mampu cairkan ice tu smule nanti.. With that, you’ll be like ibu.. I sure don’t want that kinda guy…but kalau da jodohnye camtu.. mungkin ade kebahagian lain yg menanti J X semua novel jalan ceritanye same.. People says “happy wife, happy life”…I can tell ibu is now happy cz we’re all happy with what we have right now ^_~.. Bahagia masing2..datangnye lain2.. yes that’s right. Love is in the air..

See…how easy for me to let it go once I’m inspired.. Thanks ibu ^_^ Baru harini rase mcm ht tu x kisah da psl hadiah tu..sbb conclusionnye.. Lelaki mostly same je.. Jd….to the girls, hati sentap guling2 pun.. Lain org lain care.. Ade yg kite tgk mcm sweet gile tu..mgkin deorg pn ade mslh sndiri.. It’s like…..hmmm… mcm kalau org biase2 tengok kaum kerabat/kaya/retis… Tp ade yg golongan femes ni kalau boleh nk jd org biase2.. Dunie memasing lain…walaupun semua duk kt planet Bumi.. So…chill! ^_^

******Ape lah yg aku mengarut sesorang ni? =_=************