Beginning of My Senior Year..

7Sept12...11pm btolak ke Tganu..tp before that,kul 5lbh ptg da kuar da ngn abh.. Ttbe abah bwk g mkn pizza ngn adik kt Angsana.. Then from there Bubu fetch me... Tman die mkn dlu..then gerak ke tmpt yg lain.. Jz spending time with him ngn rce cdey n berat ht nk tgglkn uma.. 10pm alek uma.. 11pm gerak ke uma nenek..amik atok n nenek.. (cz ibu ke KL..cgt x besh..=/ mm..)..Then bru gerak ke Ganu.. 
8Sep12..By 7am da cmpi kt Masjid Crytal.. Then g sarap.. N terus ke UMT.. Bru kul 10am time tu..dgr kate listname asrama kuar kul 11am..clagi x kuar list tu,xtau bilik ktne.. Laz2 12.30pm bru kuar listnye.. Aftr setel angkut brg,kuar g giant lak..Nad ikut ckali.. Then bru abh anta alek UMT cmule.. Only HE knows how i felt at that moment.. Mm..kalini anne dpt bilik B2-211-5... Ok..bilik 5 anne kurg cke..anne cke bilik 1 gak..bhgie cz bsr.. Anne pnye excited nk cite kt org yg anne dpt bilik yg xbpe nk best tu,anne ley g call mak lak.. bile tsdar yg mak da xde,cdey la jdnye..laz2 ngs ngn ibu.. Mm..i wish u stil here mom..='(
9Sept-23Sept12... Pnye la lme nk update blog ni.. Mm... Bru 2hr nek sem bru,anne di-offer kje part time 1bln kt BookGarden.. Alhmdulillah la..atleast ngn kje tu anne xla asyik tringt kt mak n ngs2.. Itz fun..i love book store.. Utk 2 mggu yg ptame,xde la trce cgt wktu clsnye cz lect asyik xde.. Pstu yg peliknye kalini rmai lak yg tgur ckp nmpk da kurus la..susut la...cengkung la..(yg ni mmg xley blahh=_= hyperbola ke ape??)... Pdhl anne rce biace je.. pp i stil chubby ok? =P.. Hmm... so far sumenye ok je.. Tp yg azabnye time nk kne present LI tu la..21sept.. Hmpir bengong dibuatnye.. Ncb baik la presentation ok.. Yg x expect tu bile lecturer ckp ''Aqilla..ur presentation was excellent! u can get a very high marks for this u know? Tp ur focus tlalu byk dkat ur mini projek..n not d whole LI.. if this is about FYP,u mark will b very high..ur presentation was well done..''. Laz2 anne duk dgr advise lecturer tu je.. pdhl tu sesi Q&A..tp deorg xpulak questionate pape.. Hee.. Alhmdulillah..tu da setel..now nk kne fokus kt proposal FYP lak.. Huu..>_<
Well anne cube jalani hari2 mendatang cam biace..even tiap mlm b4 tido n tiap pagi bile solat subuh,ht ni sentiase sebak cz tringat kt mak.. Cmpi arini anne rce cam xcaye yg mak da xde..a part of me cam mengharap yg mak stil ade whenever i watch her phone number in my saved contact. Itz not that anne x terima tkdir n hakikat yg mak da xde..or x redha ngn pemergian die.. itz not like that at all.. Nk trangkn pn anne xtau nk ckp cane... Anne terime yg mak da pn pergi utk slamenye.. tp anne jz xcye yg mak da xde lg utk guide anne.. I always dream of heving her staying wit me bile da khwn t..jd nenek pd anak2 yg bakal lahir (lau ade rezeki)..but mak pergi tlalu awl.. Psni anne xtau la cane bile nk memasak.. Bile masuk dapur pn makin cdey jdnye.. Tiap kali nk msk msti ingt mak.. Bile nk msk,mak la jd buku resepi bgerak anne.. Anne lum abis nuntut ilmu ngn mak ag.. Tp pe ley wat..lau da tu tkdirNYA.. Miss u mak.. Al-Fatihah..
YA ALLAH..kuatkanlah hati hambaMU yg lmah ni..biarpn tiada org di sisiku setiap mase,ku tahu ku ada Mu Ya Rabb..yg xpernah meninggalkn ku walau sesaat..
24Sept12...diz week da nk mule trial FYP..nk culture 'babies' byk2.. Hope sumenye ok.. Amin....

My Life is Changing...

5Sept12(Wednesday).....Laz nite was hard for me.. Bile ingt mak..air mate mule bjurai.. N mlm cmlm agk sush bg anne utk tido.. Dr org yg cke tido lam gelap..anne jd takut bile bergelap.. Hati jd bdebar x mnentu..jd resah...takut cndiri.. Bile da bukak lmpu,tnang ckit.. tp bile nk kuar g toilet yg kt cblh bilik pn,jd pnakut.. Then anne cube cari kwn utk tman anne...Amir Hakim  jd pneman..tp tu pn utk 1jam je..die pn ttido.. Itz omost 2am.. I tried to sleep...but cudnt..da mcm2 ayat yg anne tau anne bce..tp rce takut x ilang..then bile nk tlelap je,rce katil bgegar cam ade org naik..mne x tkejut anne..rce cam nk lari g bilik ibu..tp anne kuatkn cmngt..truskn mmbce n ignore je prcaan takut tu.. Laz2 hmpir kul 3am bru ttido.. Wut a nite..
Angun pagi kul 9.30am..anne cube utk tido cmule..but..bile tringat yg mak da xde..anne rce cgt cdey..rce cam cgt x caye ngn ape yg blaku cmlm..rce cam mmpi je.. No more rutin naik turun HSI... Ya Allah...anne rce cam lum cdie utk sume ni..byk yg anne lum abs nuntut ngn mak.. Mcm2 lauk anne x abs blaja ag ngn mak..kuih n kek pn bru half way.. Hutang ngn mak pn anne xbyr ag kt mak.. Mak la ni yg suro anne beli je dlu hadiah utk Bubu..mak suro kai duit mak dlu..kaler hadiah tu pn mak yg pilih.. Hope he'll like it.. Mm..ibu cuti arini..so..bile berteman..anne xla ngs..bile tgk mate ibu..nmpk cgt die tahan diri dr mnangis.. Bile tgk ibu cmtu..anne cube kuatkn diri gak utk x nangis dpn ibu.. It is hard for us..masing2 kne kuat utk each other... Hmm..arini tahlil hari ke-2 wat kt surau mutiara rini..cz ckrg org bz marhaban..lau nk wat kt uma,xrmai org ley join..so..best way deorg suro wat kt surau..masak kt uma..anta kt surau.. Start aftr mgrb..n d guys got back home around 9.++pm... Cmpi je kt uma..deorg sume kebulur..ncb baik mak ngah da wat ns goreng cili padi awl2.. Aftr mkn..deorg sume alek..kul 10pm uma da cnyap da.. Tggl anne,ibu,abah n adik.. Mlmni anne ajk nad tman anne... Nad tman until 3.++am..(6Sept)..so kurg la rce tkut tu...
6Sept12(Thurs)...i woke up at 9.30am..cried a bit n fall asleep..woke up again at 10.20am.. So..angun..mandi.. then cdai kain lak..kain batik lepas yg wat cover jasad mak.. Nk cdai kain tu pn puas anne tahan sebak.. Mcm nk pitam rce cket mnahan rce nk nangis tu..hmm.. Uma jd sunyi bile abah ibu kje..adik lak skola.. Lau bfore diz ade mak..now not anymore.. Bfore diz lau adik alek skola je,msti dgr mak bebel mara adk suro tuka bju..ckrg x lg..xckenye prasaan cmni.. Kul 2pm..ibu btolak ke srawak..kul 3pm adik alek skola.. Kul 6.15pm abah n adik g skola..cz ade solat hajat.. Arini tahlil wat kt surau uma pak andak anne..yg llaki je g..anne tggl uma sorg2.. Bile mkck2 tau anne tggl sorg, mak ngah n mama pn muncul kt uma..tman anne.. Kul 9.35pm abah n adik alek..10pm uma da cnyap.. Tggl anne,adik n abah.. 11pm anne mcuk blik..try utk kmas beg..tp cdeynye bile nk packing.. Im trying to pack..slowly.. Till then..

Tenanglah Mak di Sana..Al-Fatihah..='(

3Sept12...da cmggu..rutin anne..angun pagi basuh bju..sidai bju..lau ibu kate msak,anne masak..lau x,x la..bile kul 4pm je btolak ke HSI...tp utk arini..kul 5pm bru gerak ke HSI.. Tlewat ckit cz ibu byk kje kt ofis.. Cmpi HSI kul 5.30pm.. Ibu n adik trus masuk jmpe mak.. aftr adik kuar,anne lak mcuk...Arini sronok tgk mak.. Mask gas yg bsr tu da tukar ngn tiub yg kcik je.. mak da getting better.. da ley mam mende2 yg soft.. arini die mintak mcm2..tgk adik minum Zapple F&N,die mntk ckit..so..bg la die jamah 50cc... Pstu anne cuap mak jelly.. time ni ibu kuar g solat.. Bual2 ngn mak ckit..suare die xde cgt..so..mcm berbisik..kne dgr btul2.. Mak rcaukn anne nk alek UMT t..
Mak: Balik UMT abah anta?? Sape lg ikut?
Me: Abah je la kot..ngan adik..ibu xde..
Mak: Ckp la ngn bubu..suro ikut tman abah..lau die xde duit ke,xyah bwk kete die..suro die naik satu kete ngn abah ckali tman abah..
Me: Nta la mak..xnk la kcau die..
Mak: Kan jmaat mlm btolak..sbtu tu aftr anta awk,kn abah btolak blk JB cmule..
Me: Mm..tgk la mak..=)
Mak: *smiling*
Pstu ibu mcuk.. Then mak suro anne trun g bli air cincau n mineral yg cjuk.. So i did.. mce anne trun nk beli cincau tu berselisih ngn cik N.. Aftr anne da beli,anne bg mak jamah air cincau 50cc jugak... Pstu cik N mcuk..then haziq came in..so anne kuar utk bg haziq jmpe mak.. Pstu cik N n ibu spend time ngn mak.. Bile cmpi time nk alek..omost 7pm..anne mcuk lam bilik mak..ibu kuar jap..tggl anne n cik N..ckp2 ckit ngn mak..time tu cik N nga cuap ayam yg hsptl bg..sup ayam..tp mak ratah ayam je..ns sume xnk mkn pn..again..mak rcaukn anne...die suro anne bncg ngn Bubu...mak2... Itz 6.55pm..ttbe mak long muncul..mencungap die cz tkut tlewat nk jenguk mak.. hehe.. 7pm..we left d room..mak looks hppy je.. My laz words to her.. ''bye mak..*salam*..esk jmpe ag k? *smiling*''..mak lak mengangguk n cnyum.... So..alek dr HSI stop kt Restoran Yasin utk dinner.. Alek uma around 9.++pm.. Start on9 dkat2 kul 11pm.. Cudnt sleep til 1.30am... 

4Sept2012(Tuesday)...
Tido..anne mmpi yg anne alek UMT..ibu,adik n abah anta...tp mak da xde da lam mmpi tu..i tried to make myself bz wit my snss fmly..bru je duk se-table ttbe tjge dr tido..itz omost 4am..continue back to sleep..n ttbe pntu bilik anne digendang kuat..n i heard that ibu was shouting.. Tkejut anne.. bukak2 pntu tgk ibu ngn muke begkak bru angun tido plus mate merah n jerit ''Ain! Jantung mak bhenti! Hsptl call..cpt!'' I took my watch..itz 4.12am.. So anne ngn mamai2nye g gosok gg n ciap2.. 4.20am we'r out..reached d hsptal at 4.45am..Cmpi kt lobby,Cik Anan call ibu..xtau la ape yg cik ckp..tp ttbe je ibu blari n ckp ''sy ade kt bwh ni..'' ngn nada nk mnangis..anne follow lari gak..bile mcuk lif,ibu mcm teresak nangis..tp xnmpk air mate ag..cume nmpk muke ibu pucat..anne dgr ibu ckp ''mak xde..''tp anne cm xcye.. anne lak da mule nk mnangis.. Cmpi tgkt 7..tgk cik Anan kt luar CCU tutup mate..anne pnye air mate da mule mnitik.. Ikut ibu lari mcuk lam bilik mak...ibu tgk g kt mak anne pgang pale mak..bukak mate mak.. ibu ckp ''akak....kite da dtg ni..akak bngun la ni..tgk..ila da dtg..'' Anne tgk cmtu..makin berjurai air mate..anne pgang tgn mak..lengan mak..normal temperature..itz like mak masih ade..anne tgk mesin die..sumenye straight line..n tgk Dr. cube tnangkn ibu.. byk kali ibu ckp ''da cube ke?? cube la lagi..pliz..cube lagi..'' Muke ibu stil pucat..mate merah ckit..tp ibu cm mnangis x mnangis.. Bile Dr. ckp ''jntung die mule stop kul 3.40am..kami da cube yg tbaik.. maafkn kami kak..sabar ka..bwk btnang..terimalah pmergian die..''.. Terus ibu nangis n hug nurse sblh die.. N then bru ibu hug mak n kiss dahi mak.. Anne lak hnye mampu sebut pkataan ''mak'' n terus nangis.. Anne pgang tgn mak..bru cmlm tgn tu anne salam..anne cium... Ttbe mak ngah mcuk.. Mak ngah nmpk tnang..tp anne tau die tgh nangis... anne beralih ke kaki mak n biar mak ngah lak diri cblh mak.. anne sentuh kaki mak bwh climut.. Kaki mak cjuk..n mule mngeras...tp tgn masih normal temperature.. Then nurse suro kiteorg kuar dlu cz nk tgglkn wayar2 yg ade n jarum kt tgn mak.. Cyezly...anne rce cam sush nk caye yg mak da xde..n xdpt bcme die di saat die hembuskn nfs trakhir..terkilan.. I called him bile dpt mcg dr Bubu when he asked ''hows mak?''.. Bile dgr cuare die..anne trus ngs.. Bile rce agk tnang..bru cube utk bckp n told him wut hppnd.. Bile fmly yg lain mule cmpi..anne ended call n stay wit my fmly.. Sad atmosphere surrounding us.. 6.15am cmpi kt pusat forensik..nk mndikn jenazah kt ctu.. Tp org yg uruskn jnazah tu lbt cmpi..6.45am..called Bubu..he's ready to go to work when he asked do i need him there or he can go to work..at 1st i askede him to go to work..But then ibu n Cik N said ''suro la die amik cuti..phormatan trakhir utk mak..die knal mak..mak pn knal die..''.. So..called him again n asked him to take a leave. N he did.. Kul 7.20am bru mule nk mndikn jnazah.. Anne,ibu,mak ngah n cik N tlg mndikn jnazah mak..1st time anne tlg mndikn jnazah.. Itz so sad whenever i look at her face.. Setel mndikn,kafankn pulak.. Kul 8.15am btolak utk bwk jnazah mak ke rumah..anne n Cik N naik van jnazah..van tu lju gile..=_= Cmpi uma,org da ramai..Bubu pn oredy there..anne trun je dr van,Mak Uteh peluk anne dlu..then jiran anne.. Im crying..they'r crying..everyone's crying.. Baringkn jnazah kt hall..n mule bce yassin.. Tgk si die bcekn yassin utk mak..makin sayu rce.. Anne lak dpt bce 2 round je..cz kne mnymbut ttamu yg dtg.. Kul 11.++am deorg cmygkn jnazah.. 12pm mule bwk jnzh kuar uma..n konvoi rmai2 ke tanah pkuburan kebun teh.. Mmg arwah mak ade tgglkn memo..lau pape jd kt die,die nk kebumi kt cblh arwh hubby die.. So...there...we sent her there.. Mce nk timbus kubur..anne tkejut bile cik Anan n ibu pggil Bubu ''Hafis,cni..'' utk tlg same timbuskn kubur mak.. Nampaknye fmly anne mmg trime si die n jdkn die cam ahli kluarga kiteorg.. Im so glad watching that.. Mm...abg ckp lau kite khwn nk bwk mak tggl cme ngn kite..tp nmpknye x cmpt..='( jz dpt tgk abg tolong timbus kubur mak..sume pkck n adik cdare anne yg llaki bergilir2 take turn utk tolong timbus liang lahad mak..until itz done.. Then tok imam bce talkin..ptngahn talkin,org mule azan zohor lak.. Sumenye setel kul 1.15pm gtu n we headed back home.. Bubu stay with us til abs tahlil knduri arwah (8.++pm).. Anne nk ucapkn trime kasih cgt2 kt abg cz cnggup amik cuti n tolong anne sekeluarga uruskn mak..itz more than enuf..thank u so much..=') Abg cndiri pn ckp yg ibu abg suro abg dtg uma anne..(xpnh jgke cmtu..tharu..) Thanx to ur mum too.. Thanx for considering n concerning.. Pkck mkck yg lain sume btolak alek uma masing2 aftr sume setel..kul 10pm..sume da alek da..tggl Anne..Ibu..Adik n Abah..d atmosphere was so different.. Ape yg blaku arini...rce cam mimpi je..mcm x sgke... 10years ago..lost my late granny yg mnjge anne dr kcik till im 11 yrs old..arwh tok prgi tgglkn anne n mak..now mak lak ikut lgkh atok..n im 21 yrs old.. Due2 yg mnjge..yg anne tido skatil tiap mlm...da xde da.. Bru cmlm dpt gurau2 ngn mak...cuap mak mkn..hppy je mak time kiteorg nk balik kul 7pm tu..tp awl2 pagi ag mak bg 'surprise' kt kiteorg lak ea?? Mm.. Mak la yg paling byk bleter..nk cari gado ngn org ttbe...wat lawak merapu..even nga kt CCU pn pndai nk ajk gurau...but now..mak da tgglkn ain gak.. Tgk kuih rye yg kite wt cme2 pn ain xlalu nk mkn..tp ain cke tgk org lain mkn kuih kite..our laz kuih rye together.. Mak kate nk wat kek lapis cme2...tp nmpknye xcmpt.. Even mak bukanla mak kandung (cbnrnye maklong,ibu pnye kakak)...tp mak la yg ain paling byk abskn mce bbnding ibu cz ibu kje.. Nak gado2 ke..nk majok ke..nk gelak2 ke..ngn mak.. Org knal ain sbg ank mak.. U r my unty.. u r my mom too.. Hmm...it is sad.. But i know that life must go on.. Ain cyg mak cgt2...tenanglah mak di sne.. Al-Fatihah....<3

Hospital Everyday~

28Aug2012-29Aug2012...mak stil cmtu gak..tido..xcdar..cdar juz gerak ckit2.. 30Aug2012...mak da mule cdar.. Tp tgn kanan die kne ikat..cz cubaan utk tarik kuar tiub pnafasan die sndiri..doc kate da half way..so..kne tidokan die cmule n mcukkan cmule tiub.. haih la mak..wat lawak..=_=... Ptgnye time lawak..rite before nk balik,tgn kiri die lak kne ikat..sudahnye due2 tgn kne ikat..mak2~ Mm..arini bday adik..so...g mam kt secret recipe... Anne mam tomyam kung..adik mam lamb shank..=) da 12thn da adik yg sorg ni..

31Aug12...Itz Merdeka! Malaysia da 55thn merdeka..Mm...lme kn? =) Hmm...ptg before ke hspital,g open house uma boss ibu...he's a professor... Rumah die...fuh! Bsr~ade swimming pool ag..die dsign cndiri lak tu.. Interesting.. Uma2 kt kwsn tu sumenye bsr2..kagum tul tgk.. Nta ade rezeki nta x nk duk kt uma bsr cmtu..huhu.. Aftr mkn2 sume,gerak g hsptl.. Mm..mak da xpkai ubat tido ag..so,ley la communicate ngn die ckit2..die spelling ats krtas or tilam die..n kiteorg bce la.. Quite fun..da cam men game teke2 lak.. hihi.. 7pm abs mce mlawat...g lak jjtc ngn mak ngah n cik N utk mkn mlm..
1Sept2012...1 sept da?!! Cptnye mce blalu =/ Hmm...arini mak da dibukak tiubnye.. But stil kne kai mask gas...yg saiz bsr pnye..Tgn mak da x kne ikat da.. Die cube ckp tp xkuar suare pn..jz bce mulut die je...die da mule suro teman die kt hsptl.. tp kt CCU mne ley tman.. Mm..anne ngn bubu lak..mmmm....ade mclh..kcik je.. At nite we solved it..thanx abg..n im sory..mm..
2Sept12..ish....5hari je ag da nk alek ganu..>_< =/ hm..arini kuar ngn bubu.. He fetched me at 11.30am..ibu tumpang til uma mak ngah..then anne kuar ngn die g jjtc..then kul 4.30pm g HSI tgk mak..Alhmdulillah mak getting better.. Waited there til 7pm.. Then kiteorg g tesco tbrau..ibu,abah n adik nk mam.. Pstu kiteorg bpecah..bubu nk g bbu..me n fmly nk alek uma.. Hmm...wonderful day im heving... <3 Well...esk kne ke hsptl ag..rutin harian yg da smggu satu hari..hee.. Til then..