Dunno When Will Stop..

Da above 12am da...so..da mcuk hari bru.. Ingt anne nk update post yg b4..tp memandangkn da mcuk hr bru..kne la post bru... Continue dr post yg b4.. Anne lyn feeling...ttbe.............my love tex..11.45pm kot.. At 12.00-12.20am die call lak.. Aish~bad timing!! Cz ht nga pedih..anne nk pretend to b ok pn xpat.. Mmg xley jd pelakon la..>_< Kdg2 je jd..cam cmlm..kelmarin.. Die xpat detect..cbb lakonan mnjadi..(mnjadi la agknye..nta la..).. Tp...mlmni..im BUSTED...=_= S.O.R.R.Y to my VVIP.. I noe..xde ayat lain yg ley anne ckp ag..clain.. Maafkn anne abg.. Not that anne xnk share..tp..juz xnk jd tukang sesakkan fkiran abg ngn mnde yg xpatut abg fkir.. Pe yg pntg utk abg fokus ckrg..ur work....n anne xkn kcau abg kjar impian abg.. Go for it.. Mm.. In case ttbe abg ter-free n bce mnde merapu ni sume..jgn abg attack anne lak cbb xgtau abg..n jgn abg nk kusut cme.. Cz anne nga lam mood 'if-b4-ngn-abg-anne-ley- je-survive-alone-so-do-now'.. Jd...abg pliz jgn rcau.. Anne xnk peningkn pale abg lak ngn hal yg xseberape ni lau nk bandingkn ngn masalah org yg paling malang lam dunie.. Cian kt abg je...u'r so bz ngn work..alek uma lau ley tido trus.. Kt ctu nmpk abg letih..jd anne xnk la jd org yg turut wat abg btambah letih.. Mce yg abg ade pn cgt trhad ckrg.. N i dun think my stories wil fit in urs.. Jd xpe la.. Like wut i said.. Ur work is more important now..n about me lak..anne lum ag jd org plg malang kt universe ni..jd xya rcau.. I'm perfectly ok! peace..^_~v (lau abg da bce..sure abg tau npe anne angun kul 12.30pm td..truk kn? heee~)..Btw...abg ckp lau x abg ingt nk bwk anne kuar esk kn..(i mean arini la..itz oredy sunday..)..tp..abg gak ckp ptg nnt abg kne g senai..nk btolak ke Melaka.. U'll b away for a week..again.. Well...i do feel a bit excited bile ckp nk kuar..tp.....t tkut xckup mce t.. Plus..anne nga xde fulus..so..cowy..i hev to say no..n make excuses.. Anne ckp t abg tkejar2 mce lak kan.. Mm..mmg btul la kn...t abg kne rushing2.. So..xpe la..mgkin bkn kalini.. Xtau la cume prcaan anne or wut..to me..u sound frustrated bile anne ckp xya kuar..btul ke im disappointing u? Sowy if i do..didnt mean to.. Tp keadaan yg watkn anne ckp xya.. Itz not dat i didnt miss u..i do..i miss u..myb way lot more than how u think of.. Tp..mmg anne nga xde fulus.. Agpn...tgn anne melecur.. Anne mls nk kuar..cz lau kuar..kne kai lngan pnjg...cket tau.. So...i need to recover.. Hope abg fhm.. (of cz anne xcmpt nk ckp ngn abg tntg tgn mlecur..xpe la..ckit je..xcyez pn..).. Aftr we hung up..mcg 2x je..then cnyap je...no rply pn..(even katenye nk mcg..)..nmpk cgt abg letih.. So..cweetdreamz..

1.20am oredy...n i dun feel like sleeping.. (ape pnye pnyakit la ckrg ni..=_=hm..).. Duno when wil stop..all these tears..heartache..insomia... Nmpknye..my gossipmate akn jd mgce la psni.. (besh lak gelaran..hehe..).. Yup..mmg ncb kite cme..tp...pe ley wat kn..cik2 abg kite pn spesen gak.. Xpe2..lau time cngle mingel dlu kite ok je..jd juz anggp yg ckrg ni kite cmtu gak.. Gurlz power is all we need.. ^_^Lebbiiuuu!
2am above... Finally alone.. Cudnt sleep.. Kawal emosi.. Pale rce srabut.. N laz2 tgk jam da kul 3.15am.. Gosh.. Kul 4am lak sahur.. Aftr sahur tried to sleep..tp.........kul 6.30 am bru ade rce nk tido.. N angun kul 10am... Itz dark..raining.. Ade guruh ag..tp xkuat pn.. Mmg besh la selubung lam comforter.. Mate da xley nk tido da..fmly lak x angun2.. Ok~~cgt bushan.. Well..si die ade mcg kul 10.15am.. Tp pstu die ttido ag..=_= Hm..
12pm bru la riuh ckit uma..cz masing2 da angun... Ujung minggu..sumenye bermalasan.. Hm..cmlm mak dpt invitation g surau (utk ibu2 tunggal..)..jd ibu bwk la.. Balik tu mak ckp la ape sumbangan yg mak dpt.. N speaking of money...rezeki thn ni mak kate ckit je.. Dpt bpe puluh je..laz year dpt rm220.. Bile da gtu,abah lak cbuk ''Ehhh....asal ckit je thn ni? Sush la cmni..''  Anne xtau nk gelak ke..nk marah ke..yg psti..lau gelak,mmg gelak sinis..n sah2 la...AKU HANGEN DGR CMTU OK!! Ape xnye..mmg la abh sush..cbb t xley nk pow duit mak byk2 kan~ Pffft~ Sh*t.. 
Mm..mne x ht ni pedih je..lme2 mgkin ley mati cbb depression anne ni.. ='(  Si die mgkin da ke Senai by now.. Safe journey.. Moge cmat pergi n blk..
Mr.FS..thanx la mnceriekn hari2 anne ye..maceh cgt2... Everytime rce nk mngalir je air mate ni,msti Mr.FS muncul..even xbyk mmbntu..cz Mr.FS xtau pe yg anne lalui ckrg..atleast u manage to stop these tears ngn cite merapu..=')  Again..thanx..
Ptg nnt ibu kate mak ngah ajk buke kt luar... so..xmasak la arini.. 4pm lbh gtu..anne mcg la my love cz die cnyap ttbe aftr die mcg ckp kt highway.. S i expected..die tido.. Then anne suro la die cmbung tido.. jwpnnye... ''xnk..abg nk tman kamu arini..''.. Haha..cam nk nangis bce mcg tu...T_T  I wish~ Tgk la jap ag msti abg lesap..so...anne da xksh da lau dpt mcg cmtu.. U noe..da la nga xde mood.. Then..abg ckp ag..''im here 4 u..''.. Nta npe ttbe tergelak kcik bce mcg yg 1 ni.. My impression pd mcg ni..cme cam mcg yg 1st td tu.. Bg anne... It means..''lau abg ade,ade la..lau xde..nk wat cane..duty calls..so im not hoping..''.. Hm...now..anne nk kuar... Hope clear la ckit pale otak ni..
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Nite.... Td anne ckp nk kuar kn..g buke kt luar ngn mak ngah.. Tp...rite b4 kuar uma tu..anne nmpk abah signal kt ibu..(signal tgn utk ckp duit xde..nk kai duit cpe nnt?).. Haish..ckup2 la duk korek duit ibu aku.. Mmg la AKU HANGEN SATU BADAN!! So..makanan utk buke..anne pilih kueh teow cbb lau mnde yg mee2 ni sume lbh murah dr nasi.. Even beberape sen pn,harapan anne dpt kurangkn bil.. Bile stress,mule la pale ni rce cket n bengal.. ni la yg anne xcke..
Anne xcam adk..lau adik,die mara or memberontak,die jd cgt aggresive.. Anne lak sebaliknye..bile mood xpuas ht dtg..lam ht je kuat mnjerit..tp luaran,jd cgt x bmaye..weak..restless..rce mcm org yg dehydrated..cmtu la.. Hmm... My cik abg..aftr buke da trus cnyap.. See.....kan anne da ckp awl2 td... Mcg die yg 1st n 2nd tu cam kate2 utk mnyedapkn ht even da tau cbnrnye cmne..(clalu ditinggalkn)..tu yg tgelak ckit td..nk ngs pn ade bile bce mcg tu.. Hehe.. Mm..arini anne brokedown sumenye kt abg haris..anne nk abg haris fhm mclh anne bile mce anne xpat nk laksanekn tanggungjwb anne on time..anne bkn jns yg mgkir jnji...tp lau tjadi,mknenye bukn ats kehendak anne.. Cowy cbb anne susahkn abg n lmbt settle ngn abg...now abg haris da fhm.. Another unexpected thing happened.. td mce lyn FB..anne tolong la handle juniors yg curious nk tau tntg hostel kt page mjlis kolej kediaman.. Ckali.. Mr.FS join s admin utk page tu.. Then..mgkin die ade hal..die stop la kjap.. X lme pstu..anne dpt SMS.. Mr.FS kate thanx cz lyn dak2 tu..he really appreciate it.. Hmm..^_~glad to help..tu gunenye seniors kn..guide juniors.. Pstu.....Mr.FS ley ckp..''really apprecite it..nnt kte makan cme2..fendy blnje ye..hehe..jgn gtau org len tau..pokai fendy nnt..haha..''..Ok! This is my first laugh utk arini yg btul2 ikhlas dr ht yg cam kne geletek... hahaha..suci tul niat..ke ade cicak di sebalik frame? haha.. Wutever la Mr.FS..lau ade mcenye insyaAllah.. ^_^ 

Wut a Nite~

Puace day 6... Hm..cmlm.. Time nga gloomy~ Ade mmber bg link blog suro bce.. N.....mmg shocking yet cweet blog tu.. Ape x nye.. Our junior KMNS yg bru je abs mtrx got married! Cik Cahaya Hati tu umur bru 19thn!! Cgt cweet..^_~ Cmoge rumah tangge deorg kekal hingge ke akhirnye.. Moge si isteri jd bidadari bg suaminye di Syurga nnt.. Then...duk chatting ngn mmber tu..my kosm8.. N jugak junior2 yg bakal mcuk umt..(tp cme baye ngn anne)..n nad jugak..n xlupe Mr.FS too..(tp when it comes to gurlz talk..Mr.FS ni x tmcuk la..)..  Itz funny when thinking how time passes by.. One moment..tringat time bru mcuk tadika.. N then juz finished UPSR.. Pstu bru mcuk high skul.. Went through PMR n SPM.. Eventually zaman skola pn abs.. Pstu mcuk mtrx.. Soon..mcuk U pulak.. N bile da mcuk umur 20thn ni..bru realize..n trce cam diri mule tue..cbb....rate2 kwn sekeliling mule fkirkn tntg mce dpn.. Mce dpn di cni bukn stakat kje je..but also......Marriage! Bile fkir2 cam tlalu awl je kn?? But i guess..actually itz not.. Tgk je la bpe rmai geng yg da btunang..merancang nk btunang.. n ade yg da mule mrancang utk khwn! Trce cam blaku perubahan persekitaran pulak...o.O (lau bdk2 yg bru abs skola,mcuk U..blaku culture shock..mgkin ni situasi bg yg mule mnginjak umur 20-an ni..) Erm...wut im telling is true..based on d people around me.. So..probably my conversations cmlm lbh kpd mndgr cite kwn2..yg mule ade org nk mcuk minang..yg nga susun target n mcm2.. Biace la bile gurlz mule bukk mulut tntg hal ni..mcm2 impian kuar kn..^_~hikhik.. Jd..agk seronok la jugak dgr impian masing2 cmlm.. Yet..anne tetap rce sayu.. Ok.....cmlm anne xley tido lgsg.. Emo cgt lately ni..sensitive lbh...kuat cengeng.. (nta ape la nk jd...=_=hm..).. Tau2 je da time sahur...(ncb la mate xbengkak cbb cengeng..cmat!).. Arini sahur awl..kul 4am..4.30am da mcuk blik cmule.. N bru la anne ttido.. Tbaik la bile tido aftr ngs..mmg rce cgt besh n xnk bukk mate..^_^hee~ Angun kul 8.30am..tp tgk kt luar gelap ag..fmly tido ag..ujung mggu kan...da la cmlm deorg tido lewat..sah2 la kul 10am t bru angun.. Then..mamai tu...anne nk set la alarm kul 9.50am... Ckalinye....xcmpt nk set anne da ttido..(tu la..cpe suro cengeng cgt..pstu cndiri letih..).. Tau kul bpe angun? 12.30pm!!!! Mak aih!! New record! >_<ish3.. Ape ag..melompat trun katil n g mndi.. (haih la..ank dare cpe la kn? adeyh~ btul xcngaje..).. Da ciap sume.. kuar bilik..tgk rmbut adik yg mmg pndek tu mch basah...means....adik pn msti bru angun..bru la anne cdar..probably yg watkn anne tjage cbb dgr adik kuar dr toilet kot.. Hehe.. No wonder la x dikejut angun.. Masing2 cam xksh cgt ngn pe yg blaku arini..(or.....did i missed sumting? o.O hm?? tp cam x pn..rutin seperti biace..).. Ptg..bru anne meng-on9-kan diri.. N...like oweyz...bile Mr.FS nmpk je anne on9,die pn ''anne~~~~''.. Hehe..lyn la~ Anne nk lyn lagu je arini..tenangkn fkiran ckit.. Pale rce kusut smacam.. I keep thinking.. Ibu ckp drh papa O..drh ibu A... Lau cmtu...drh anne x spatutnye B.. But d thing is.. My blood type is B.. Itz biology thingy.. A+O= A @ O..cant be B at all.. Hm.. Xkan tertukar anak kot? o.O hmm.... Nta la..wat mce ckrg anne lbh pntgkan hal duit anne,duit mak..berbanding hal drh2 ni.. Abah tu lau tiap hari x wat anne cket ht x sah agknye.. T_T ........dah2 la mate...xya nk bazirkn air mate cbb org cmtu..mutiara jernih tu ade nilainye n xpatut dibazirkn utk org2 yg xlayak..kan3?? Hm... ='(
6.10pm goreng ikan...tp......mak suro kai minyak recycle tu..minyak recycle ni anne anti ckit...cbb...lau goreng msti die meletup2... Haish~ley lak die meletup time anne nk tbalikkn ikan.. Hamek ctu..!!...melecur tgn anne... TT_TT huwwaaaaa!!! Buke poce cm biace.. Abs tgn merah2...ncb xkne muke..(Alhmdulillah..).. Kate org letak colgate t x gelembung.. Anne da ltak...cmpi kurg rce perit.. Aftr cuci tgk........ade je gelembung! Tipu btul la~ =_= Ncb la xteruk cgt..but it stil hurt though..=(
11pm..alone in my room..mcuk bilik kul 9.45pm arini.. Ye2 je nipu ckp nk tido awl.. But actually anne nk larikn dri.. Duk lam dunie cndiri ag aman..xcket ht.. Kan~~~ Hm..chatting ngn Mr.FS..Mr.FS ni pulak nta kali ke bape nta ajk anne WC(webcam) kt skype.. Adeyh~lawak tul la Mr.FS ni..no way la... Lau nk cgt tgk muke...tggu kite alek U ok?? Time kt U t...ag real...live ag ley tgk tau? hehe..

Unexpected..Thanx A Lot..

5th day of fasting.. Means..1bulan 3hari je ag kt uma... So...cmlm anne meraban nta pape due to heartache..(cowy bout that...juz by doing that,i feel much better..so..let me be..)... N...cgt xcgke yg my ex ley lak muncul.. N he gav lotz of advise though.. Tp..mcm die xtau yg anne ni dgilnye cmne kn.. Thanx NEway.. U noe wut... Anne tau my prob ckrg ni lgsg xpenting (even if u say so)..lau bru ckit cmni anne rce cket.. Then..bile anne fkir org yg paling malang kt universe ni..tu yg watkn anne rce mmg cgt xperlu anne lean on anybody.. Im juz way too lucky than that person yg plg malang tu.. My ex ckp that anne shud lean on someone..cz we're living in community.. Mm..so much of community... I like it diz way.. I dun wana b a burden to others..no matter how close that person is..clagi anne ley bnafas,anne akn cmatkn dri dr dunie cndiri.. So..to my ex..dun worry.. Then... Yg plg anne x expect,my old buddy turut mencemar duli aftr she saw my entry..(kau follow aku ke?aku xtau lak..hee~) Thanx pumpkin.. Aku cke dgr pcakapan kau aftr kau tau probs aku..even care kau a bit brutal...tp..tu yg wat aku cheer up cmule..^_^ N that makes me miss The 4Teen'z Crew.. Kite 4org xcme pale..tp ley jd group yg besh.. We'll forever be D14'z C.. <3 Zaman kegemilangan dulu.. Aku rce freedom.. Thanx pal.. T kau picit idung GP kau utk aku.. Geram tgk die..=)
Hm...x lupe gak Mr.FS..mamat sorg ni mmg xtau mnde pn.. He dun even noe yg anne ade blog.. Cmlm tu da cntk je timing.. Phne kul 11.40pm ag da cnyap..of cz my love da ttido.. Anne mcg la Mr.FS ni ckp anne da off..lappy anne nk tido..die pn ptut off..lappy die ngs2 nk tido tu..(nipu je lbh anne ni kan..haha.. anne nk ckp yg anne pn nk tido..cje la nk time alone..kne la mlarikn dri dr dunie luar..).. So..anne ingt nk mule rutin perah mate la cam biace..Then..amik la port..bru je nk feeling cowg2..  Tp...xjadi..... Cbb....Mr.FS cbuk ni ttbe ckp ''lappy tido..phne lak bjage...n phne fndy ckp die nk kcau phne anne jugak..'' Ok~~dr elok2 mate ni berkace,xjd trus.. cz melayan kebengongan Mr.FS.. Hikhik..nta pape je merapu cmpi kul 2.30am.. o.O xcdar kot.. Clalunye time cmni anne da jd weak..bru pas stop ngs n mamai nk tido.. Tp mlm cmlm..xjd nk ngs.. Mr.FS call kul 2.30am.. N.............die wat supersavers! =_= (byk cdt??lau byk cgt,meh salur cni meh..=P heh..).. Jd..wut a nite...kne la merapu 1jam ngn Mr.FS.. Not bad jugak since mood nk ngs pn ilang bile bckp ngn org..nk2 mamat cngal cam Mr.FS.. Hikhik.. Laz2 kul 3.30am tamatkn pbualan.. N 3.45am anne tido.. Well...atleast mlm cmlm x ditemani air mate.. N hope mlmni jgn la Mr.FS wat gile ag.. Cz anne lum ckup lpas geram cndiri.. Clagi rce xpuas ngs,xkn tenang cgt... So..hope that my emotion jd stabil cpat2..(tp cane nk stabil..bile teringat je,trus rce cket n nk ngs...T_Tmasalah tul la...pehal nta sensitiv cgt..)..Hmm...mlmni buke kt uma nenek..(ade ank kucing ag x?nk men ank kucing!! ^_~ <3 )
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Xjadi g uma nenek pn..buke kt uma je.. Hmm..so..it was quite a boring day.. Ade la jugak mcg2 dr Mr.FS..tp kjap2 je.cz bile die tau anne on9..die pn on la kan..so...byk mce spent on fb.. Rite before off9,cmpat chatting ngn mirul..(my exKMNSian n now UMTian juz like me..juz die len kos..).. Mirul ni yg ttbe chat suro tgk video yg die wat... So..da tgk tu..alang2 ade die,anne tnye la tntg Mr.FS n My Guardian.. N im so glad yg anne cmpt utk chat ngn die about diz n get clearer thoughts.. Ape yg anne alami..i mean d guy yg approach me..sumenye Mirul pnah lalui jugak.. So..cbg seorg yg berpengalaman,die bg pndapat tntg situasi anne.. Mm..=) Quite logic ngn keterangan die.. He knows that im not a magnet..but myb im quite attractive.. Datz wut he said to me.. Thanx mirul.. Mm.. Then....kul 4.30pm tu anne da bushan xtau nk wtpe..tido la..cmpi kul 5.45pm.. Angun mndi..stndby brg utk buke..then tgk tv ngn ibu sume..(arini org astro dtg..tukar jd astro beyond la pulak..).. Bile duk sorg2 kt dpn..tgk rmote beyond tu,cam tgk phne bru pulak..belek2,godeh2 function.. Hee~ Aftr buke..tgk tv ag..cite Dan Sebenarnya.. Cke cite ni..cweet je.. Jmpe lam mmpi..berkawan..bercinte...sume lam mmpi.. In d end bru jmpe for real.. Hmm..^_~ Mlmni ingt nk blog walking.. (9.50pm)
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10.50pm- Xde entry yg mnarik phatian.. Alone!! Ni la mce yg ditggu2.. N jgn tnye mne my abg ea..cn4m la die da tido dlu.. Hm.....ncb ade abg dean..abg kesayangan ni! Nk kcau abg khalil,xnmpk lak..nmpk amir je.. Tp lum ade mood nk kcau amir... Biarla..xnk kcau cpe2 ag..duk diam2 je.. Hm..fkiran mule ingt tntg duit lg.. Adeyh~~ Ttbe rce nk ngs... ='( *mood sensitiv dtg ag da.. T_T isk3..*  bnci kne suffer n deal ngn feeling cmni..='(  diary n blog r my bestfren!lebbiiuu...heartless book n machine..   *stop n away..mngubat hati cndiri..*

If There's Nothing Bothering Me..Then Y do These Tears Come at Night..??

4th day of fasting.. Masak awl jugak arini.. Arini anne dpt tlg mak masak.. Cket da kurg..da x rce cgt..^_^ Alhmdulillah... Tp 1 ag prob yg clalu wat anne rce pening pale..n i noe itz not gud for my own health too.. Sumtime i feel so confused.. Wut a conflict huh..
Da cmggu lebih..im kinda heving sumting like....insomia.. I feel uneased.. My emotion..seems like being disturbed.. N no body wud understands me.. I keep telling myself that everything will b juz fine soon..n there's nothing for me to worry about.. During d days.. Im juz fine..i can laugh..smile.. N b...juz normal.. But if there's nothing bothering my mind..then y do these tears come at nite.. Since when..hmpr cmggu jugak la.. When i think about my family..my money..automatically akn nangis.. I feel tired..tiap mlm nangis.. I tried to be strong..but i noe im not.. Reaching out my limit..thatz y mate ni xley nk stop nangis..nangis cmpi ttido..ncb baik la bile angun pagi,mate xbengkak cbb ngs..tp...azab nk angun pagi tu..mate cam kne gam..mate jd letih cz da puas perah air mate mlm2 bute.. Bile lappy da off..both phones da cnyap..put my earphones in..volumes up..i juz wana ignore d world around me.. But....that doesnt help.. Mule la air mate ni kuar.. Hati ni rce pedih...kosong..cket.. Nak2 bile ingt prangai abah.. I juz dun understand that guy..watpe khwn ngn ibu lau tau hdup nyusahkn org.. Anne rce cgt x adil bile abah amik duit YPJ anne..lau ckit2 xpe..ni RM2000..itz 2k!! Xcmpi kt uma..otw alek dr UMT ke JB tu(12 May)..dan2 kt Mesra Mall abah mintak duit..kate ujung May n June t nk byr cmule.. Ni da mcuk Ogos.. 1sen pn xde! Cket bile rce tertipu.. Abah tu nme je kje..tp duit die lgsg xnmpk.. Sume mnde byr2 kai duit ibu.. Ni bile da pkce abah byr,ibu back up abah..on d dot lak ibu kate t ibu ks rm500 dlu.. I was like =_= WHAT THE HELL! Cpe yg pnjam?asal ibu yg kne byr? Im so hate u abah.. Blagak cam org kaye..tp sengkek.. Lau x sushkn org xpe gak.. ni......die nk blagak,org sume kne bersusah utk die.. BENCI!! Mgkin lau ibu khwn ngn ayah Lan or sum1 else dlu ag better.. Or..mgkin gak lau ibu jd ibu tunggal pn bgus.. Ni ade papa..tp xbg anne contact ngn papa..i dun care ape yg papa da wat pd family..cmpikn sume org lam fmly xley trime papa ag..even papa da mule nk amik tau tntg anne..tp rmai yg melarang ibu bwk anne jmpe papa.. C'mon~he's my dad..my real dad.. Jaat mne pn die..anne wjud cbb die.. Lau die xnk trime anne dlu n xbtggjwb..tp atleast giv him d chance now.. I really wana noe him.. Can someone understand that?? NOPE! No one does..itz juz me,myself n I wud understand my own feelings.. Sumtimes i do cried n hoping that atok will be there for me.. Lau atok ade ag ckrg ni...mgkin ayang xcmni.. Hmm..xperlu ade org gtau pn.. I noe abah ade gune sumting utk wat ibu dgr je ape die kate..sume sh*t yg abah buat,ibu kne tanggung.. Mak clalu kate ibu jd bodoh cz dgr ckp abah..xdenye nk melawan even abah tu cume mnyusahkan..tnye je la ngn sume pngamal perubatan..ustaz2...jwpnnye cme...abah gune2kn ibu..tp ibu..even da tau..tp mcm xnk usaha lgsg utk pulihkn cmule..ade cbe nk bwk,tp mcm2 halangan belaku..konon power cgt abah 'ikat' ibu..cmpi ibu pn mmg xnk caye mnde2 ni sume.. U dun hev to tell me that mak..i noe...
My family were juz awesome weren't they.. Itz not that anne x bersyukur ngn ape yg ade ckrg...tp..fkirkan abah yg cume mendatangkn kesusahan je,it makes me angry.. Angry with ibu..mak..my fmly..n most of all..im angry with myself cz i cant do a thing to help... Like they will listen to a 20years old gurl yg sah2 pd deorg child of d fmly..''parenz rulez...kids shut up..''.. Sumtime i juz pray that..kalau la hdup ni xperlu rehat n tido..sah2 cnyap2 anne wat kje part time..siang class..aftr class g kje.. blk kje wat esaimen n stdy..then ready for class again.. Hikhik..silly me..^_~there's no such thing in diz world to do sumting like that.. Anne cndiri bukn jns yg chat2..wat kje lebih ckit je,mule la pucat2 muke..pnyakit kurg drh n low blood pressure.. I can only do sumting light..bile i pushed myself doing heavy things..cket cndiri la pstu.. Lau xde suppliment x sah..trce cam zombie hdup.. Hm..=/ 
Now da dkat raye.. Abah lak sebolehnye suro ibu amik tv flat screen dr ayah uteh..rm150 per month..for 18months.. Itz omost rm2k isnt it? Tv yg ade tu ase da ckup besar..rosak ckit je..da ciap anta btulkn ag..bru rm150.. Wut a waste g amik tv bsar flat screen..berhutang ag.. Now cpe yg nk gnti duit rm2k yg abah pnjam anne.. n duit mak yg nta da bpe ribu ibu kate pnjm..nnt byr cmule..tp xbyr2 cz clalu short in cash..=_= Ape gune anne dpt pinjaman YPJ (utk blaja) tp cbnrnye kne bg duit tu utk kesenangan abah??? Lau abah n ibu cam kwn2 anne pnye parenz..xpe gak.. Sumtimes i get jealous.. Kwn2 dpt duit yayasan..ptptn.. Tp duit2 tu kdg2 lgsg x cuit.. cz parenz deorg bg duit belanje kt deorg each month.. Tp anne????duit ypj tu la utk sumenye..tu pn mch nk amik duit anne nape? I juz dun undrstand...tgk mkck2 n pkck2 yg len.. Cth cam m.ngah..kje biace2 je..tp...abg wen n is dpt mcm2 yg deorg nk.. Tp ibu n abah yg ley dikate gaji bsr..x cmtu.. Clalu ape yg anne nk,anne pendamkn..cmpi mce anne rce time tu da ssuai nk mntk,dan2 tu jugak adik potong line..in d end..anne mngalah..biar adik dpt pe yg adik nk.. Bile da byk kali beralah tu yg cmpi tahap ht ni nk memberontak gak..rce cam x adil..(jelez too much..) Mne xnye xckup duit..duit ibu abah wat joli..duit abah nta ke mane..tension gile bile fkir tntg tu.. Plus ngn dgr mak bebel tntg duit mak yg dipinjam pn xpulang2..btmbah cket ht.. Ade abah..serupe xde. Anne pn ade plan cndiri ngn duit anne..tp xley nk laksanekn cbb abah took it all away.. N tu la yg plg anne xley trime ckrg...itz mine.. Sume kehendak anne,kne ltak ke tepi..stelah da berbulan planning..duit ley lesap sekelip mate kt tgn abah.. It hurtz me a lot when thinking of it..
Nekad..alek UMT ni..lau stil xpulang my 2k,jgn hrp anne jge pemakanan anne..lau perlu,anne poce terus pn xpe..jnji ley save every lil thing thatz left for me.. Juz enuff..i cant take it NEmore..not like this.. Now im going to do it in my own way.. I juz wish somehow..everything will be.....great..easy for everyone... Hope that these tears will stop..no more crying at nite..alone..cz itz painful..n so pathetic..  Hm..too much confession to my lil blog..
Pathetic kn luah rce kt blog??da puas diary kne conteng..blog pn jd tmpt lpas prcaan.. Well..atleast bile da kuarkn sumenye ni even pd mnde yg xde prcaan,electronic,kertas....somehow rce much better.. Mm..da2 la utk gangguan jiwe ni.. Now..seperti biace..pantang anne on9.. Mr.FS msti popped out..out of no where... Org nga cdap lpas geram lam blog,ley lak mamat sorg ni ajk borak ngn die..tu yg dr nga hot,ley cool cmule.. Unexpected..nta cane ley exchange phne number arini...=_= Akhirnye kamu bjaye gak amik num anne ye Mr.FS? Hehe..biar la.. Katenye ''mlm t lau fendy mcg,xrply..ciapla anne!''  Erk!!o.O apekah??cke ht die je..tembak ngn pistol air bru tau! =P hikhik.. Hmm..npe la Mr.FS ni cme cam my guardian ea?care die serupe.. Mm... Puas lyn mamat ni ngarut..ade ke die kate nk rce masakan anne..=_= Haha..my love pn lum rce air tgn anne ag tau.. Somewhere somehow..gaye cam nk ngorat lak mamat ni.. Hey Mr.FS....adekah anda cngle??xde kje len ea ngacau anak dare org?? Hikhik.. Lau Mr.FS ni ade gf...kang xpasal kne flying kick ngn gf die kang.. Ade2 je mamat sorg ni.. Hikhik..kite jd TTM je ok? Haha.. Hmm..ye2 kate malam.. Kul bpe ea...yg psti b4 kul 4.30pm Mr.FS ni da mcg anne.. o.O that was unexpected.. Haha...4.30pm anne off.. Mcg ngn mamat ni cmpi aftr buke sume.. Stop for a while kul 5-6pm cz mamat ni tido.. Then stop utk buke.. Then isyak.. Pstu trus2an mcg.. N weird gets weirder.. Mr.FS mntk anne MMS pic anne kt die!!!! Errr~~ Heeee~ xley la Mr.FS.. anne nk kai tdung aftr diz..lau nk,amik yg kt FB.. =P haha..

Terrible Nite =/

Arini mcuk 3rd day poce... Cmlm update blog ckp da kurg cket.. Tp...by d time my love sent mcg ckp nk tido,mule cket cmule.. 12.45am..tried to sleep... 1.20am tjage...cket cgt2..cmpi ke sahur kul 5am tu xtido lgsg.. Lau ikut kate ht,mmg nk je mcg abg..nk mcg cgt2 cz dat wil make me feel atleast a bit better...tp..ikut kate logik, ''gile ape nk kcau org tgh malam..da la esk die kje..xya ngade2 kcau..lau cm b4 diz die xkje xpela jugak..tp mmg xkn blaku jugak la..not my style kcau org pagi2 bute..lain la lau ade emergecy..hehe..''.. so..mmg xmcg la..even abg kate lau xley tido t mcg abg.. But u noe wut..abg pkce cmne pn,mmg anne xkn mcg abg.. Moreover,itz totally different now..itz not like b4.. Hm... Tahan cket pnye pasal,abs 1 katil tu kne lanyak..mmg serabut btul..nta bantal ke mane..teddy ke mane..(tp xla jtuh ke bwh..juz ats katil gak..but not at their usual position..).. xtau nk watpe ag da.. Da kai ubat krim femes nur syifa' tu pn xjalan gak..mnangis merengek sorg..hee~ncb bek tido sorg..^_~ Cmpi time sahur,pale pn da naik pning.. Time sahur pn berair mate thn cket.. Aftr sahur mcuk blik cmule..nk tlg kmas xley...cket yg teramat.. Xtido cmpi kul 7am.. Kul 7am tu bru ttido.. Then nta kul bpe nta..ley lak xde letrik..=_= tp dicbbkn letih thn cket cmalaman..xtido ag lak tu.. So..i dun even care..lame gak xde letrik..then kul 9.40am gtu bru ade cmule.. But i cudnt get up.. Tido ag cmpi kul 11.45am.. Feeling much better.. tp bile bdiri je,cket.. So..xley dri lme2 cgt..  Hm...npe la cket cgt kalini.. (soalan utk gurlz je ok...) org kate cket cnggugut tu juz 1/10 dr cket nk bsalin.. Ish~can u even imagine?? =_= Mm..hope cpt la ilang cketnye..xlarat da rce nk thn cket.. Nk rest cane?bukn ley rest pn bile dtg cketnye..=/

Btw,wana congratz my love cz dpt nek pangkat cmlm..(since abg jd follower tetap kn?=_= wek! =P) Mm.. Im really proud of u abg.. Abg clalu ckp ngn anne yg abg xde pe yg anne ley banggekn..tp bg abg,byk tntg anne yg abg banggekn.. Hm..u noe wut darling...u urself da ckup wat anne bangge ngn abg tau.. N i want u to noe..dat i love u so much..dun u doubt bout dat ok? Pape yg abg wat,anne sokong abg..doa anne cmoge abg happy clalu..n dpt capai ape yg abg impikn.. All d besh with ur life..=)
Hmm..arini tgh/h ag mak da masak..cz die tkut hypo bile tggu petang.. Mm..nk tolong..tp xley.. cz bile dri lme ckit je,rce urat2 cam nk putus.. Jd..arini anne byk dduk..lyn FB...tv lak boring xde cite.. So....s usual....nmpknye Mr.FS ni xsah hdup agknye lau xsakat anne 1 hari.. Asal nmpk anne on9 je,msti ade die punye la..=_= Jaat tau die ni..nk sekeh2 je ase!! Hikhik..arini kesengalan Mr.FS mkin btmbah..gayenye nk usha number anne pulak..haha... Tp die cgan2 kucing.. lawak tul mamat sorg ni.. Byk kiasnye nk mntk number..tp anne lum kasi la.. Hehe..t la..lau btul perlukn bantuan Mr.FS bru anne bg..lau x..asenye sembang kosong n sakat mnyakat kt fb da ckup kot..^_~
Buke arini lauk ayam masak kicap n gulai keladi..ncb la anne xteruk cgt cket cam cmalam..jd anne ley tgk tv..^_^hehe.. N anne rce cgt lucky cbb org tlalu mudah mmpcayai anne.. Ade cowg kwn ni..die bakal mcuk UMT..junior entech..tp cme baye ngn anne.. Since d day she added me,kiteorg rancak bbual n kongsi cite.. Biace la gurlz kan...cite cinte sume mcuk la.. Cdar x cdar,rapat da kiteorg ni.. n arini broadband die ade prob...(line da kne potong)..jd die xpat nk log out fb die.. Ttbe anne dpt mcg.. die mntk anne tlg bukk fb die n log out-kan utk die..!! i was like..o.O wow~ bukn cng nk bg org sumting yg personal cam fb kan.. But...seems like she trust in me.. So...im doing wut i hev to do.. Of coz i wont betray my own fren.. Thanx cz pcayekn anne ye..^_^

Nape Kamu Mcm My Guardian Orion??

Arini 2nd day poce...  Pagi sahur kul 4am.. Aftr sahur mcg sahur kt si die.. Tp xde rply..tido ag agknye.. Biarla.. Anne pn da letih cz cmalaman thn cket.. Jd trus tido.. Cdar2 kul 7am asenye..my love bg mcg die nk g kje.. N ade mcg sahur yg die rply upenye tp anne xcdar..hee~^_^ Mm..  Bushannye~ Ditemani cket cnggugut ni.. Mmg tension gak la.. So..rutin s usual bile xde kje... Anne on9 FB.. Lam 2-3mggu ni anne bru bkenalan ngn sorg mamat kt FB.. Mamat ni dak UMT gak..kos ape...anne da tlupe.. Hikhik..(biace la anne..lau xamik cyez tntg seseorg tu,mmg xkn lekat la kt pale..cbb pd anne,die ni msti cam other guys..other seniors yg cje chatting lau xde kje..Anne lyn pn cbb die UMT gak..) Owh ye..b4 tlupe..anne lyn gak mamat ni cbb...
*flashback!* ade 1 hari tu..time nga final sem 2...tp aritu xde paper..so..anne ngn kwn anne name Nad kos sains kimia..g library... Nk stdy amali kimia..cz datz our nex paper.. N time tu,abg Bubu ni pn nyelit join kiteorg gak..tp die lak bz ngn thesis die.. Wut make us rajin cgt g library aritu cbb.....ade Rosyam Nor dtg bg a lil talk about his life kt audi library la.. Tu yg ingt aftr stdy,g la audi tu.. B4 we left,Nad ade ckp ngn anne.. Ade mamat ni nme FENDY SHAMS add Nad.. Biacela gurlz..mule la gossip ckit2.. My love yg dduk dpn kiteorg msti pelik agknye..haha..ataupn abg x cdar?? So..aftr da off lappy sume,nk blah dr library,kiteorg pusing la blkg cz nk kuar.. Anne pn tnmpk sorg mamat yg mmbelakangkn kiteorg dduk kt meje blkg kiteorg.. Muke die mmg anne xnmpk la..(anne mne berani nk usha muke org yg xknal..cgan kot!)...tp FB di screen lappy mamat tu da pn gtau anne cpe mamat tsebut.. Terpampang nme FENDY SHAMS kt page MUKABUKU tu.. hahahaha..terus anne cuit Nad n cite kt Nad.. Nad pn menggelabah sakan cz tkut mamat tu tdgr pbualan kiteorg yg bergossip jap tntg mamat ni.. Hikhik..anne tenangkn kakak Nad kite ni..xkn mgkin die dgr kiteorg..tgk la btape slownye kiteorg bckp time tu..so..xya rcau.. Jd..tu cdikit cbnyk history yg watkn anne melayan mamat ni..
Back to story..kt FB...bukn anne yg mule chat ngn Mr.FS ni..tp die yg clalu ttbe chat ngn anne dlu.. Byk kali gak la..clain lyn abg Paan(kwn abg bubu),anne lyn la Mr.FS ni.. Rcenye ade 10x kot (or more) da chatting ngn mamat ni.. Arini die chat ag! Seperti biace..ade je die sakat anne... N datz when i realize sumting~~~~ He's omost like my Guardian!! Yea! So true! Care die sakat,bgurau,ckp sume......Mmg hmpr cme... Hurmmm.... Mr.FS ni mmg kdg2 wat anne geram ngn die..anne rce cam nk tembak2 je mamat ni ngn pistol air! >_<hmmph!! Tp..lam cket ht n geram tu..ade bahagienye.. Hikhik...cbb die msti wat anne ketawe pnye.. Juz like my Guardian..(rindu pd Guardian xpnh stop..hm..mane la awk menghilang..=/ sy perlukan awk..)..
Haih la Mr.FS...ade je yg awk ngarut hari2 kn??^_~hikhik.. Tp bgus gak..xla sy bushan all d time..maceh la cbb ceriekn hari sy ngn gurau2an awk tu..even byk kali sy rce cam nk sekeh awk.. =P hehe.. Hope trus2 la bkawan kt UMT nnt...^_^ Tp kan...ape motif awk arini?? Mcm nk tau detail tntg sy je...?? Pstu bpe kali awk mntion tntg 'ngorat'..awk ckp awk xley nk ngorat sy cz sy da bpunye...juz sy je yg ley ngorat awk.. I was like ..huh..o.O ape yg awk ckp?sy xfhm la Fendy oi~ Then....da kembali mngarut n sakat sy,ttbe awk tnye sy soalan cepumas ''bez x ade pkwe?''  Again awk wat sy terspeechless dpn lappy.. =_= Hahaha..ape pnye soalan tu.. Haih la Mr.FS..Mr.FS...lawak je..^_^ Then aftr sy da jwb,awk cnyap lak..15min gtu..  Then muncul2 awk tnye ''eh,awk freehair ea?'' Lam ht trus ckp *msti mamat ni usha profile td..=_=* Hehe..ye la awk..sy freehair..tp nek 2nd year ni sy nk kai tdung.. Msti sush awk nk cam sy psni..hikhik..^_~ Ckalinye~~~mamat cngal ni ckp ''waa...bgus2! like3!! Msti awk cntk nnt kn.. =) t nk ngorat boley? =P haha..''   =_=haih la kamu...lau xsakat anne mmg xsah kn fendy?? *hnye mmpu geleng pale ngn mamat ni..mcuk air pnye org..haha..* Da sekian lame chatting bru nk tnye umur..=_=haih~~ haha...lepas sesi soal mnyoal,umur kiteorg cme.. Automatik Mr.FS cngal ckp ''ade chance ag ni! chance utk ngorat..''  U've got me burst out laughing u noe dat Mr.FS?? hahahaha..LOL! Hikhik...da la..b4 anne jd btmbah pning ngn fendy,better anne stop.. Asar da ni..  Tu pn cmpt ag mamat ni ckp ''c u 7 Ogos ni lam mmpi..'' haha..mmg cngal la Mr.FS ni..  Nk tau npe ngn 7Ogos? cbb...ade mjlis buke puase kt UMT tu..anne ckp anne ne ley g..g lam mmpi ley la..=P  haha..tu yg die ckp gtu tu.. Hikhik..^_~ Da la..anne nk stop dlu.. Prepare masak utk buke nnt.. Arini wat lauk sotong goreng kunyit n gulai ikan merah...=)
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Start kul 6pm anne start rce cket ag..(cnggugut la..)..lbh cket dr yg siangnye..tp stil ley angun.. Kul 6.30pm anne da mule xthn da..mcuk bilik..puas jd cam tenggiling,ulat gonggok...n mcm2 la.. Berair gak mate dibuatnye.. Kul 7pm pkce dri kuar blik..mmg cngal je la..nk ngs x ngs muke.. Tibe time buke (anne ni even dpt 'cuti khas' tp cam org poce gak tau..xmam..xmnum..)..try nk mam..mmg azab la kan.. cube abskn gak ns yg da mmg ckit tu..(cz anne g mcukkn ag half yg ibu ltak lam pinggang tu kt lam periuk).. Abs je mam,trus anne lari mcuk bilik.. Cmbung adegan tenggiling..kalini mmg btul2 kaw pnye cket la...cmpi ngs anne.. N x expect ade mcg buke poce from my love.. Aftr rply jd tenggiling cmule cmbil ngs.. Ttbe si die call.. =_= Jwb je la...mmg ckp kt die nga cket la kn..n then die kate g rht dlu..t die mcg.. Owryte... Anne terus2an tahan cket.. im in serious pain! Cmpi jd letih cgt2..kaki anne jd cramp da..laz2 tertido.. Angun2 da kul 9.50pm.. Wow~ o.O xcngaje.. Ncb cketnye da kurg ckit.. Ni yg ley angun check FB n update blog..hehe..

1st Ramadhan..

Cpt tul mace blalu.. Ramadhan dtg lagi.. Alhamdulillah cz mch diberi pluang.. Tambahan lg ckrg anne ade abg di sisi.. Moge berkat Ramadhan kali ni jdkn puace kite lbh baik berbanding cblumnye.. So..itz d 1st day of puace.. Laz nite i feel so weak... Xtau la npe... Kul 2am tu tido.. Angun sahur kul 4am.. 6.30am bru mcg anne delivered kt my love n we talked on phone for few minutes.. Anne nga ngntok,ley lak abg romantic2..hikhik..tp xpe..anne cke..^_~
Bdn anne tlalu letih arini..nk ngadu kt cpe??? Lau ckp ngn ibu ngn mak,deorg xkn pduli pnye..stil akn ngarah anne wat mcm2.. So....anne diamkn je.. Biarla cmpan rce cket cowg2.. Tau anne angun kul bpe arini??? 11.40am!!!!!! Mak aih~~ank dare cpe la ni..=_= Anne xcngaje ok~ npe nta xcdar bunyi alarm kul 9.30am.. Hmm... Aftr mndi..lpak2.. Kul 12.45pm kuar uma..g kdai kuih..beli barang nk wat kuih.. Da beli,cnggah uma nenek..anta kain bju kwn ibu... Kul 3pm da cmpi uma da..tp anne,ibu,mak n adik xterus alek uma..kiteorg cnggah kedai potong rmbut kt blkg uma..(uma anne blkg deret kdai je..mcm2 ade..dr bengkel kete,kdai runcit,dobi,kdai kek,rstoran,salon...cc....sume ade la..^_^hehe..).. Dicbbkn my sayang xkje arini..so...ade la mcg2 ngn beliau..^_~like3! Bile cmpi kt saloon,mule la idea nakal ni pnuh kt pale..kih3.. Ape x nye.. lau nk tau..my sayang ni cke anne rmbut pnjg.. Jd....anne pn automatik tnye die ''Abg...lau anne potong rmbut ley?'' As expected... Mmg la abg anne tu xkn bg pnye.. Hahaha..die pnye la cuak ckp ''syg..xya potong rmbut ea??biarla die panjang..'' Kih3....^_~ Alahai.....nmpknye mmg anne kne jge rmbut pnjg utk abg la ni kn? haha.. Mm..actually,anne juz nk nipiskn rmbut je..bukn nk potong pndek.. Alhamdulillah la si die cke rmbut pnjg gak..anne hppy! Cbb...anne pn cke bela rmbut pnjg..^_^hmm.. Rmbut anne ni jnis lebat n cpt tebal..tu yg anne nk nipiskn ckit..ringan pale.. Done nipiskn rmbut.. Then alek uma.. So great...Cdapnye dpt landing ats katil....  Kul 5lbh cik N dtg.. Masak lauk kari ayam..kobis goreng lada ijau n tauhu goreng sambal.. Dr kul 6pm da mule rce cket..(cnggugut).. Haish~~jgn la ckrg..lau ley xde trus bulan ni pn bgus! Tp.....nmpknye mmg die xks anne puace pnuh thnni... Elok je aftr buke,ley lak dtg 'teman baik' tu.. Ngan cketnye ckali.. =/ Cketnye~ tp mak mmg xkn pnah nk fhm.. Da org kate cnggugut tu,cnggugut la.. Ni ag ngarah macam2...=_= Mcm mak xpnh rce cketnye..Laz time mak pnh rce..tau pn mak xley nk gerak byk..ni anne pn cme mak.. Tiap buln cmni..mak xfhm2 ag ke? Anne cket mak... ='( Isk3.. Tahan je la... Jln bongkok pn bongkok la... Lebih rela thn cket cnggugut dr panas tinge dgr mak ngomel..

Hm...buke arini kul 7.18pm.. Dpt wish utk berbuke dr Eddy..^_~(baik tul die ni..sahur pn die wish..buke pn wish..).. N of coz dr my love gak.. Love his mcg today..^_^ Mcg cmpi mlm arini.. Esk die da start kje ag.. Mm..d cycle repeat...=)